UGOCHUKWU EJINKEONYE

by Ugochukwu Ejinkeonye

If before the end of this year it becomes clear that the sterling performance of Dr. Dora Akunyili as Director General of the National Agency For Food, Drug Administration And Control (NAFDAC) has been completely erased from the people’s mind and rudely replaced with the clearly odious role she now plays as the ebullient head of President Yar’Adua’s misinformation machinery, she would have no one to blame but herself. And it would be very sad indeed. No doubt, the costly, but naïve decision she took to become the image-maker of a passive and rudderless regime must, without fail, exact an even costlier price. 

Never a one to miss an excellent opportunity to strike when the head is still on the block, Mohammed Haruna has stepped forward with the strange theory that the indisputable and widely acclaimed success of Dr. Akunyili in her determined battle against fake and substandard products may have been unduly exaggerated. “The problem with propaganda is that it almost always leads to self-deception. Akunyili may have succeeded possibly well beyond her wildest  imagination in turning NAFDAC into a well-known brand, but the reality of food and drug administration in the country is that her success has been more of image than substance,” wrote Mr. Mohammed in a March 4, 2009 column. He did not stop there: “The fact is that contrary to the image that NAFDAC under Akunyili has virtually eliminated the phenomena of fake drugs and drug abuse both have hardly experienced any significant decline. In spite of all her efforts, the open and illegal drug markets in the country including the three most notorious ones at Onitsha, Kano and Aba, have never really gone out of business. So also have those who openly hawk prescription drugs on our streets”, Mohammed declared.

                                                                     
Dora Akunyili:Attempting The Impossible?
                  

A few months ago, before Akunyili accepted to work for the very unpopular Yar’Adua regime as Information Minister, Mohammed, despite his sterling reputation in matters of this nature, would have thought twice before launching such an unfair broadside, but now, who would want to fight for a once widely-admired Dora who, for reasons that can only be less-than edifying, has chosen to hasten her self-immolation with her own hands?

As DG of NAFDAC, Akunyili was regularly celebrated in my newspaper column even though I have never met her.  The same way, most Nigerians who had loved her, prayed fervently for her and had pleaded with her to resist the temptation to soil her shinning reputation by accepting to become the spokesperson of this clearly bankrupt regime, did not know her personally.  And they would regard as gratuitous insult Mohammed Haruna’s suggestion that they may have been hypnotized by Akunyili’s successful propaganda and media hype.

No matter how revolting we may find Akunyili’s present engagement, we cannot in all honesty deny that she did quality work, as NAFDAC DG, to restore the people’s confidence in drugs and beverages circulated in
Nigeria. So, solid was her work that as not a few Nigerians entered shops and confidently bought fruit juice or other beverages, and left with full assurances that their livers would still be intact after they had consumed them, they gratefully remembered Akunyili and thanked God for her life. As a baby suffered from jaundice, and the mother rushed to a nearby chemist shop and purchased the antibiotic prescribed by the doctor, and the drug saved the baby instead of killing him or her, that mother, depending on how informed she was, more often than not, would remember Akunyili. As drug manufacturing firms which were almost forced out of business (many multi-national drug companies actually closed shop and left the country) because their products were being indiscriminately counterfeited returned en masse and began smiling to the banks with their millions and billions instead of singing tales of woes, they remembered Akunyili, and thanked God for such a rare gift. To most Nigerians, Akunyili meant the return of sanity in a society overrun and made unsafe by heartless counterfeiters; the safeguarding of many lives which would have been lost because of the desperation of some devilish souls to rake in blood-stained millions at the expense of precious lives.

As I read recently the Daily Trust web copy of Mohammed’s March 4 article and saw the comments posted by readers, it dawned on me that Akunyili’s lower descent may even happen faster than I had feared.  But then, it has always been evident that the first thing a public officer acquires in Nigeria is thick skin. That is why the very damaging allegation by one of Mohammed’s readers (which Daily Trust allowed to be posted) may not even bother Akunyili. That may also explain why she is most stubbornly going on with her overly exasperating re-branding campaign despite widespread agreement among the citizenry that it is nothing but a useless and wasteful exercise.  

I have heard that when people enter government they tend to be willingly ignorant and blind in order to survive for too long there. Else, how can somebody with Dr. Akunyili’s intelligence, training, exposure and endowments wake up one morning and convince herself that by attacking my phones daily with the very uninspiring slogan: “Nigeria: Good People, Great Nation,” she will succeed in intimidating me into suddenly forgetting all the indescribable pains tormenting me in this country as a result of the abysmal failure of leadership and character on the part of our rulers, and start grinning from ear to ear? Does a country become great simply because some fellow stood in some cosy office in Abuja and attacked my phones with silly slogans he or she does not even believe?  What do these people really take us for? A population of empty-headed fools? Now, if a father who had wasted his money on wine and women, and, consequently, starved his family sore, suddenly woke up one morning and started reciting: “My Family: Healthy, Well-fed!” won’t his wife and neighbours think he has gone crazy? How can such a useless slogan better the lot of the family he had irresponsibly neglected? How would that secure him the love and cooperation of his family members and make them to stop seeing him as an irresponsible and failed family head?

I seriously think that this is becoming too ridiculous! There is a disgusting penchant in Nigerian leaders to always throw money at problems and expect a magic to happen – a clearly lazy, insincere man’s option that would always be rewarded with resounding failure.  We always want to seek a shot-cut to glory by seeking to purchase a good image. How can any nation hope to re-brand itself in a vacuum, with practically nothing to showcase? Will the potential tourist or investor simply start rushing down to Nigeria because of one meaningless slogan when the verdict of Country Risk Analysts about this same country remains alarming? Why this indecent haste to re-brand? Why not Yar’Adua now set a realistic date to achieve uninterrupted power supply in Nigeria, for instance, and when that has been achieved, use it as a milestone to anchor a re-branding campaign?

To clearly underline the fact that the rest of the world is unimpressed by our infantile campaign of misinformation, Nigeria was recently excluded from the G20 Summit of world leaders which it had before now attended as merely an observer. What it means then is that even as an observer, the global community is sick and tired of enduring the unprofitable company of this perennially sick baby. And when this happened, Yar’Adua mourned in Abuja: “I must say that today is a sad day for me. And I think it should be for all Nigerians, when 20 leaders of the leading countries in the world are meeting and Nigeria is not there. This is something we need to reflect upon,” he cried.

Well, I can only hope that Yar’Adua and his unwieldy crowd will truly reflect upon this, and tell themselves that even if a G40 Summit is holding tomorrow, Nigeria may still be excluded, even if we sink billions to re-brand and re-brand and re-brand.  Somebody should please tell Akunyili what I think she already knows too well, namely, that when a room is horribly messed up with the indiscriminate droppings of a very reckless dog, what you must do is to bend down and carefully wash the place with an active detergent.  Only then would you get back the fresh, pleasant air that makes a room worth inhabiting. But if you take the unhealthy short cut of spraying the dog-shit with heavy dose of deodorant, then you will get a putrid scent that will make the room more repelling than ever before.  Indeed, it is time to discard this unprofitable and ridiculous exercise and roll up the sleeves to work to move Nigeria forward.  Without any re-branding campaign to hoodwink anyone, companies are closing shop here, and relocating to Ghana. Yar’Adua and Akunyili can also reflect on this. A good market, they say, sells itself.

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www.ugochukwu.wordpress.com

scruples2006@yahoo.com

By Ugochukwu Ejinkeonye

Gradually, President Yar’Adua’s health condition is becoming an item for very debilitating blackmail. And it seems to be working effectively!

Just wonder aloud why the president of such a critically sick and sinking country cannot allow himself to be roused from crippling inertia to seek with clear vision, focus and vigour the nation’s healing and revival, and the next accusation that would be laid at your doorstep is: “Oh, there you go again, making fun of the president because of his ill-health.”

And so political correctness now dictates that we all enlist in the confused choir of incurably naïve optimists who seem to derive peculiar animation from continually chorusing the hope that a heavy truck trapped in the middle of a collapsing bridge, because its driver was having a good, refreshing nap, would not soon disappear into the deep waters even though the bridge is already down and about to be washed away.

I think this is sad and most unfortunate.

Now, why would somebody make fun of anyone because he or she is sick? Can the person accurately predict what the state of his or her own health would be tomorrow? I think what most people are trying to say is that there are too many sick persons in the country and Mr. Yar’Adua just happens to be one of them. What we owe all of them are our sincere sympathies, prayers, and help if we are in a position to offer any. But there is definitely no justification for turning anyone’s personal health challenges into a national burden. In other words,
Nigeria cannot continue to just sit still, fold its hands and do nothing in the face of threatening devastating global economic crises on the unpardonable excuse that its president is sick – as if there are no capable and healthy persons in the country?

For goodness sake, this state of inertia has gone on for too long. If the president is not sick, let him wake up, think, roll out his plans and work? And if he is, and unable to perform, as seems to be the case, let him excuse himself from the throne, instead of holding everyone else to ransom. I am quite sure that not many people would object to Nigeria undertaking to pay the president’s medical bills for life, as compensation for the “invaluable sacrifice,” if he decides today to let go and retire to the serenity of his family house in Katsina.

But will the leeches and parasites feeding fat on his incompetence and the nation’s carcasses allow him to make up his mind?

For a nation as badly run as Nigeria is, where decisions and actions that determine the direction and future of the country are mostly inspired by acute selfishness, Yar’Adua would never lack a formidable army of self-serving loyalists hailing his special capacity to sleep through the worst crises, as we are witnessing at the moment. It is not impossible, too, that a President Umar Musa Yar’Adua may reappear in Abuja in 2011. I think that should not shock anyone who has been watching the course of events in the nation’s political horizon for the past few months. This is one nation where people are continually drinking and eating poison with utmost relish, and yet wanting to live; yes, a country where people continue to assure and reassure themselves that no matter how long they keep stabbing their nation and drinking its blood, they would still wake up every other morning to see it standing on its feet and flourishing.

Well, all these acts of self-delusion would in no distant time be forced to evaporate by the grim realities that would soon dawn on this nation. For so long now, Nigeria has remained the best example of how a richly endowed country could look like in the absence of any of form of government. People who found themselves at the seat power merely looted the treasury pale and retired at the expiration of their tenures to enjoy their unearned wealth. So long as there was still oil pumping out crispy dollars for the next regime to loot and put away in coded accounts abroad, no one complained; and no one was asked to give account. Only those foolish enough to die, like Gen Sani Abacha, were branded corrupt, and their loot diligently looted.

And so, at a time world leaders are spending sleepless nights with their economic managers and experts, devising ways to save their nations from the looming global economic calamity, we, in this ungoverned entity called Nigeria are busy debating about our president’s vacation, which, if we must be sincere to ourselves, he has enjoyed with little or no interruptions since May 29, 2007. I once heard that the motto of an association of pensioners was: “Rest Is Sweet After Labour.”

Pray, what has Yar’Adua done since the two years he has encumbered the ground in Abuja to warrant his disturbing the nation’s peace with tiresome talk about vacation? Which responsible and responsive president would allow himself to be caught dropping the slightest hint about a vacation at time oil prices, his country’s   sole revenue earner, was crashing from near $145 to about $30? The earthquake in the nation’s stock market is an economic tsunami that ought to have kept any president alert and worried, but our own man could not just be bothered. He would rather go on vacation, even as major multi-national companies are closing shops in Nigeria, and relocating to functional countries like Ghana, causing countless Nigerians to be dumped in the unemployment market. Mind you, Nigeria remains the biggest market for these companies; they produce in Ghana and sell in Nigeria. What an unlucky nation.

Despite Yar’Adua’s repeated promise to declare a state of emergency in the power sector, power supply has worsened beyond what anyone would have imagined was possible in a nation ruled by a human being. I doubt if there is any community in Nigeria today where anyone can walk to a public tap, fetch healthy water and confidently drink it. Indeed, no one with the means to afford alternatives in Ghana, Cameroon or any of our tiny neighbours, takes the risk of enlisting his children in Nigerian schools any more. I challenge Yar’Adua or any governor to prove that his children are in Nigerian public universities – where many public official had attended.  Nigeria’s health institutions are only patronized by those willing to take a risk with their lives, because they are too poor to fly out for medical treatment; not even the president of Nigeria receives treatment in Nigerian hospitals.

But the worst is yet on the way, in fact, very close to the door.

By the time the devastating effect of President Barack Obama’s New Energy Policy reaches home to us here in Nigeria, there is no doubt that the price of oil may go down to 50 cents. At that time, there won’t even be enough public fund to steal. Maybe, then, and only then, would Nigerians be forced by very unbearable conditions to seek authentic leaders, people with a mind and clear ideas to move society forward, and not a horde of bankrupt creatures occupying offices where they are not even qualified to be cleansers. Today, we are complaining about the rise of violent crime in Nigeria. By that time, it would degenerate to almost an open war.

And until then, some vacuous fellows can still afford the luxury of campaigning for a Second or even Third for Yar’Adua, so he could stay back to “continue the good work he is doing.” What a nation!  

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 scruples2006@yahoo.com 
www.ugochukwu.wordpress.com

By Ugochukwu Ejinkeonye

Please, could somebody be nice to this hapless nation and walk across to President Umar Musa Yar’Adua’s cosy castle in Aso Villa, where not a few believe he is still in bed enjoying a very refreshing midmorning sleep, wake him with a very gentle tap on his shoulder, and ask him what his reaction would likely be if he was suddenly roused from deep slumber with the tragic news that the Niger Bridge had collapsed, and with it many Nigerians and several vehicles, all plunged into the dark belly of the deep waters of the River Niger, thus spreading sorrow, pain and anguish everywhere? Would he just sigh, murmur barely audible things about being always disturbed with “these people’s endless troubles,” put his head back on his soft pillows, have Lady Turai tuck him up more comfortably in his made-in-Germany or Saudi Arabia blanket, and go back to sleep? 

And then, perhaps, after  a couple  of hours, he would wake up again, better refreshed and fairly alert, and ask to be reminded what was told him the other time (or was he even dreaming it?).

“No, Your Excellency, you were not dreaming. You were informed, Your Excellency, before you went back to sleep,    that the nation had been plunged into deep mourning, because the disaster long foretold which most people thought your regime had done nothing to avert (but we know that you were busy night and day drawing up elaborate plans for a lasting solution to it, instead of resorting to “quick-fix” options like your predecessors) has eventually exploded on the nation. Don’t mind the foolish bridge, Sir. It could not wait for another two years for Your Excellency’s well-crafted action-plan to be unfolded to give it the attention it deserved before deciding to embarrass this well-focused Administration with its stupid fall. Well, don’t allow that to bother you, Your Excellency. The only problem now is that   because no word had come from you since the past couple of hours when the tragedy struck, presidential spokespersons have been at a loss as to what to tell the nation, and mischief makers are already taking advantage of the situation to spread wicked rumours, which, as Your Excellency knows, we can’t be party to, because we are happily bound by Your Excellency’s dreaded Oath of Secrecy.”

“Tell the nation what? What do they want to hear from me, am I the one that pulled down the bridge? Please, where is Turai, I need my lunch. Eh-hhe-erm, gentlemen, you can please, excuse me.”

“One more thing, Your Excellency, Sir. Reports have just reached us that the Movement for the Actualisation of the Sovereign State of Biafra (MASSOB) has just addressed a crowded world press conference at the foot of the collapsed bridge  and stated clearly that while they deeply regretted and mourned the loss of human lives in the monumental tragedy (which had occurred as a result of  Federal Government’s criminal neglect, nonchalance and utter callousness despite repeated clear warnings that the dilapidated bridge was caving in), they were, on the other hand, glad that the collapse of the bridge had at last, naturally, and without any sweat, carefully carved out for them the Federal Republic of Biafra they had long yearned for, as the vital link between their country and  Nigeria has now collapsed.” 

“Ehee? Did they really say that? Were the BBC and CNN at their press conference? Kai, these people! In fact, I had thought the collapse of the bridge  would effectively keep those restless Igbos at home and at least  solve Fashola’s population headache once and for all … but I never thought of this other angle… Now, as you can see, we now have a real emergency on our hands! Now you run! I say, run, go and gather State House correspondents immediately! Call in all foreign correspondents that you are able to reach immediately!  Tell them I am so heartbroken and in deep mourning because of the tragedy. You can even inform them that I fainted when I heard the news. No, no, don’t add that line. The Action Congress will capitalize on that now to revive the nonsense story about the state of my health. Just tell them I am deeply shocked and pained by the incident.  In fact, tell them that due to the effect of the tragic incident on me, I may have to travel to a Saudi or even German hospital to observe a three week intensive prayers on behalf of the nation, to get the inspiration to solve the present disaster and avert future ones in this country. Did I just say ‘hospital’? Ah, no! I mean mosque! And you, while I am away, remember you’re under a dreaded Oath of Secrecy, and if any funny rumours dare go out about me, you know the consequences… Finally, don’t forget to tell them that I would have personally addressed the nation immediately on the matter, but I am presently on phone with many world leaders calling in to commiserate with us on the tragedy. You never can’t tell, one or two of them may elect to donate some dollars to us to enable us manage the disaster.” 

“Your Excellency, any message to the bereaved families?”

“Oh, yes – the familiar line, I expect you to know that! Tell them I am with them, sharing this their moment of sorrow with all of them… Now, that’s okay, you may go now. Ah! My lunch is almost cold. No more questions, please. Let someone ask Goodluck to see me. He must to fly to
Onitsha immediately to inspect the extent of damage, commiserate with the families of the bereaved, and announce my decision to set up a Commission of Enquiry to probe the immediate and remote causes of the collapse. He has to go immediately before this MASSOB propaganda gains ground and spoils the day for everyone….Ehee, yes, Ojo, you are already here? You will have to cancel or readjust (whichever) your scheduled trip to Paris and go to Onitsha with Goodluck; there may be need for you  to deploy your ever confusing grammar to great advantage among the traders there….”

…. Well, thank God, the Niger Bridge, though now a death trap, is still standing there like a well-beaten warrior, still faithfully shouldering heavy vehicular and human traffic between Asaba and Onitsha. But experts are warning us that if nothing is urgently done, that bridge would soon cave in, and crash down before Christmas – the time many Easterners would pass through it to return to their villages to spend the season with their kit and kin at home.  What this means is that we have just less than two months to fix that bridge and save the nation the trauma of another tragedy. But from what we are seeing, the Federal Government is not behaving as if it is aware that a devastating tragedy is lurking at the corner, waiting to strike. Many people from virtually everywhere in the country use this bridge daily. Many more will use it this December and the New Year.

 Only few may have heard the chilling alarm raised over the state of the bridge. Some others may have heard, but what alternative do they have except the same death-trap, especially those whose daily pursuit for sources of livelihood must make them shuttle between the South-West, South-South, Onitsha and even the North? The Federal Government must do something immediately.

Repairs on the bridge would require total or partial closure. If that extends into the December/New Year period, the torment people would experience there would certainly cast this government in the mould of a heartless devil. In fact, not even the most dreaded Oath of Secrecy would save it from the fiercest contempt and grave alienation of many Nigerians who would just regard it as one huge calamity unleashed on Nigeria at these most perilous times to severely punish it. No doubt, the fund to rehabilitate the bridge is there, but does the willingness exist, Mr. President?

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scruples2006@yahoo.com

www.ugochukwu.wordpress.com